Today I went to work without make-up on, even though I’m going through a bizarre amount of breakouts so my skin isn’t looking its best. Me going to work without makeup isn’t an unusual thing. But this is the first time in a while that I’ve just not worn it because I felt like it. One reason is because I want to give my skin a break. For once it’s not because I’m so physically exhausted I can’t face getting up and doing it and I haven’t been feeling a twinge of guilt that I should be wearing at least a little. I have gotten into the habit of waiting a full face – foundation etc most days, and when I last stopped wearing it, I was really really down and pretty much didn’t care anymore. I couldn’t bring myself to try and make myself look presentable, not to mention I was crying a fair bit so any make up would have smudged.
To a point, I now kind of see me wearing make-up as a symbol that I’m doing better – that I want to make the effort in the morning. But that’s not a healthy way to look at it either really. I think I do to an extent wear it as a mask. Well, mainly foundation but once I’ve started on foundation I get into a roll and do my whole face.
My aim for 2017 is to take care of my skin and improve the quality of it. But I also need to work out how to embrace it, no matter what it looks like. I felt a little of that today, a little glimpse of it. Because this is my face, flaws and all. And today I really haven’t felt self-conscious about not wearing makeup, which I hope is a good sign. I don’t want to stop wearing make-up, I really don’t. But I don’t want to keep relying on it either.
This was quite a spur of the moment post. I may unpack this in the future, write a real post at some point. But here are just some things I’ve been thinking about today.